Infertility & Loss

Having a baby. You make the decision that you are ready to try. You wait with bated breath each month, only to be met with yet another negative pregnancy test. Or you celebrate that positive result, only to suffer the unimaginable loss of the pregnancy.

Infertility may mean having to navigate numerous medical decisions, asking yourself "Did I make the right choice?" each step of the way. You may blame yourself and ask "What did I do wrong?"

Infertility can result in significant feelings of loss: loss of control, loss of expectations, loss of your sense of self. And you may feel all alone, even if you have a supportive partner.

Infertility is a disease, affecting 1 out of every 8 couples. And similar to other serious medical conditions, the crisis of infertility can have a lasting impact on your emotional health.

You may experience a roller coaster of emotions with every passing month, with every doctor visit, and with every pregnancy and birth announcement from friends and family and on social media. Your emotions are valid. And you deserve support

Ready to make an appointment? Interested in a free 15 minute phone consultation to see if my services are right for you? Give me a call/text or click below to send me a message.

(609) 795-7619

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How can counseling help?

Emotional ups and downs are a part of infertility treatment. Feeling overwhelmed at times is a perfectly normal response.

However, if you experience any of the following symptoms over a prolonged period of time, you may benefit from counseling:

loss of interest in usual activities
depression that doesn't lift
strained interpersonal relationships (with partner, family, friends and/or colleagues)
difficulty thinking of anything other than your infertility
high levels of anxiety
diminished ability to accomplish tasks
difficulty with concentration
change in your sleep patterns (difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, early morning awakening, sleeping more than usual for you)
change in your appetite or weight (increase or decrease)
increased use of drugs or alcohol
thoughts about death or suicide
social isolation
persistent feelings of pessimism, guilt, or worthlessness
persistent feelings of bitterness or anger

Speaking with a counselor can also help if you are:

deciding between alternative treatment possibilities
exploring other family building options
considering third party reproduction (gamete donation, embryo donation, gestational carrier)
having difficulty communicating or if you have different ideas about what direction to take

the power of storytelling

Being able to share one’s story and feeling heard without fear of making others feel sad or uncomfortable can do so much for the healing process.

There is no limit to grief, and grief related to perinatal loss and infertility is no exception. But often, individuals feel that their loss is not real because they miscarried early on in a pregnancy or didn’t get pregnant at all. Or they compare their loss to someone who “had it worse.”

Grief is not a competition. It’s not about getting over it, it’s about moving through it. And that process is not linear and does not necessarily have a definitive end.

As a mental health professional, my goal is to see women, and men, feel empowered to share their stories and grieve in whatever way feels right for them. And for loved ones to focus less on worrying about “saying the right thing” and focus more on just being there, in whatever way is needed.